HOW TO SUCCEED IN AMERICA - WHILE TRYING TO GET KICKED OUT

This tale of a legal alien comes from a friend out west and involves a Mexican national whom I'll call Pancho.

He was the eldest of a house full of children, and, at age 9 or 10, his parents apprised him that they could not raise as many as their bedroom zeal produced, and he was kicked out into the streets.

A grandmother accepted him in her household, but that was not comfortable living, either, so like every other one of his country's dissatisfied, he infiltrated the U.S. As this was some years ago, the Border Patrol were more alert; he was caught and kicked back south of the border.

Undaunted, and with the examples of millions of countrymen to guide him, Pancho sneaked in again. This time, though, once arriving he obtained a green card and became, suddenly, a legal alien. (What, you again? We'll give you a G for effort and forget your law-breaking.)He picked up an American wife, banged her enough to produce 2-3 children neither wanted, and skipped out for greener pastures.

When my friend met him he was a good man, a hard-working man, but not remunerated adequately to cover his habits, which included booze and gambling, and lived in a trailer of his employer's provision. He was polite, generous, and trying to learn passable English - EXCEPT when boozed up. Then the troubles commenced.

There were DWI citations, fights in bars, proceedings to make him pay child support, and, penultimately, a tussle, involving a handgun, in which both him and his paramour of the moment were shot with a single bullet. No one was charged.

Following a particularly good stretch he found himself shacked up with a sweet, gentle woman with whom he worked, and people were happy for them, but little by little he drifted back to the bottle. Inebriated at work one day, with no one else about, they sat in a car, where he put a pistol to her head and mumbled something to the effect that if he must go to hell, he would take her along with him.

Resourcefully, she got him out of the vehicle with a ruse and drove to the police. A search revealed the then-hidden gun with, sure enough, a cartridge in the chamber. Pancho was arrested and spent some weeks in jail awaiting a hearing.

In a land where it's guaranteed by the Constitution, speedy justice was slow in making her blindfolded appearance. After several continuations he was found guilty but was free to work, which he did, though not at his former job. By the time sentencing took place, two years after the death threat, he had just reportedly fractured an arm on the job and appeared in court with it in a cast.

Whether out of pity or for another reason, the judge - there's a winning group in the U.S. - gave him a sentence of 5 years - PROBATION! Inexplicably, the woman whose life he threatened was given exactly one hour's notice of this convocation, which must be an example of speedy injustice.

Thanks to our generous laws, Pancho presently receives compensation checks for his work-preventing injury and has been officially forgiven for threatening with a loaded handgun to murder an innocent and defenseless person.

Looking at this sketch of the man's history in the U.S. are you not pleased that the court didn't deport the dangerous loser, pleased that without a cumbersome, slower than molasses in January (at selective times) legal system he would have spent NO time in jail, pleased that your tax $ are paying him workman's comp and helping to support the U.S. citizens he helped to produce?

It's a great country, all right. Too bad we native-born citizens haven't learned to milk the system as well. Yet, this BADministration fights like a wounded jaguar to keep this and worse scum in the country and to allow them to continue to flood in here. (Illegal today, legalized tomorrow, and think of all the votes for lousy Democrats) Do Russia or China work as diligently to weaken and ruin us? The question is moot; as Pancho's case illustrates, we're doing it ourselves, so what the hell is the difference?